I would say that I am well traveled within the United States of America. Beyond that, my travel desires are far from being fulfilled. There was a group of guys that I am friends with that used to do a yearly trip somewhere. We hit Vegas, Chicago, Seattle, NYC, and one time we went to New Orleans. Thats right we were down on Bourbon Street eating po boys and sucking down hurricanes. I think this was 2002, so we are talking pre-Katrina. I'd say this was at the height of our "we're still young... in denial that we are not in college" phase. It was awesome!
There are a lot of little tricks to really enjoy Mardi Gras that are not known upon arrival. Item #1 is that having beads doesn't get you jack! First off you have to have the right kind of beads. You need to have beads that are cool, different, unique. Secondly, you need to be a master negotiator. You'd be amazed at what people will do for a measley pair of $5 beads if you play your cards right. This little tool learned in New Orleans actually became very beneficial to my career. As an Assistant Buyer working towards becoming an actual Buyer I had been exposed to negotiating. I will liken this experience to a martial arts student that is very good finally achieving his (or her) black belt. By the time we left New Orleans I could comfortably say I had earned my black belt in negotiation!
The second thing to know is don't walk down any side streets or alleys. There are people looking to take advantage of you, rob you, or pick pocket you all over the place. Literally New Orleans is crawling with a ton of Chris Paul's. It is a haven for thieves looking to make the steal every opportunity they see. My advice is to keep all valuables in your front pockets, stay away from alleys, and do what women do at bars when the bathroom fairy comes calling... always travel in numbers. Traveling in packs will help eliminate some seriously sticky situations!
Lastly, take your fully charged cell phone with you in case you get seperated from your group. New Orleans is wild during Mardi Gras. I have never seen so many people packed into one street as when we were attempting to bar hop on Bourbon Street. It is amazing! Once you are seperated from your group, you are out of luck. Let's just say I have a better chance of dating Eva Longoria than you do of re-connecting with you party without the use of a cell phone. So, it was our last night in the Big Easy and we were determined to party to the max. Our group hopped around quite a bit until we found our spot. This bar was crazy. The music was hot... I think they played In Da Club by 50 Cent at least 6 times in a 2 hour span. I know this was THE song of that Spring, but this was a bit over the top. Thats like the Yankees laughing at their yearly $200 million payroll and going out and signing the 3 biggest free agents to contracts totaling more than 1/2 billion dollars... oh wait! Anyways, moving back to the bar... there was a dance off/strip contest on the main stage. To give you a visual the main stage was in the center of the bar. It was elevated about 2 feet higher than the ground level and was in the shape of a circle. It was surrounded by bar patrons on all sides. There was a female contest, which I surely enjoyed. Actually merely saying I enjoyed it was like saying that Amy Winehouse merely enjoys a drug now and again! Then there was a male contest. Our group thought someone from our click had to get up there and give it a go. A couple of guys from our group grabbed our friend Scott, picked him up and literally threw him up on stage against his will. The music started and the ladies crowded he edges of the stage urging the guys on. Let's just say that got Scott into it and before we knew it his shirt was off, he was dancing like Usher on crack, and the ladies were trying to rip his pants off like they were dying from a deadly poison and the antidote was in his boxers. I don't think he ever got that belt back! After a superb showing on stage Scott was feeling the momentum and moved to the main dance floor, walked up to the cutest girl in sight and started dancing. I don't know if it was a full moon or what, but she was totally into him and he took off with her and some of her friends. That is the last the group saw of Scott for the evening.
The next segment is where we thought the story ended, it was just starting. Apparently Scott went barhopping with this super cute blonde girl, her other girl friend and this guy. The drinks were flowing and apparently Scott was on fire. He was dancing with her, making out with her, and having an all around great time. We fast forward a couple hours to about 3am and Bourbon Street was starting to die down a bit. Apparently they walked down to the far end of the street into a bar Scott hadn't been during his week in New Orleans. The four of them did some shots and he started dancing with this girl... lets call her Britney. They moved to the dance floor and started "grinding". Scott eventually looked up and noticed they were the only people in the bar dancing... then he noticed the dance floor was lined with an audience watching them dance... then he noticed they were all guys... where were the girls??... then he noticed many of these men had their hands down the pants of other men as they watched Scott and Britney dance... the alarms went off is Scott's head like a 4 alarm fire!! How could he be so oblivious to his surroundings. Apparently this revlation led to the four set leaving the bar within minutes. One would guess reason would set in and Scott would go back to his hotel... oh no! That would be too easy. The three people Scott was with here locals and they all jumped into a car to ride back to Britney's apartment. The next thing Scott remembers is walking up the steps with the other 3 people to their apartment. The door to the apartment opened and it was like a time machine to the old Greek baths. There was more gay men getting busy in the living room than there are people in Times Square on New Years. It was like he had just walked into some sort of nude gay art show?!? Now keep in mind this was the group's last night in New Orleans. Check out at the hotel was 11am and everyone's flight back north was at 5pm. The next thing Scott remembers was waking up in Britney's bed and the clock on the wall read 11:05am... oops!! Scott then reached into his back pocket for his cell phone and remembered he left it in the hotel. What was he to do??? He woke Britney up and told her that he really needed to get back or he was in big trouble. He says she then got up and took to the bathroom for 20 minutes powdering her nose. While Scott was patiently waiting (probably freaking out on the inside) he noticed pictures of Britney and some young guy all over her desk, on the wall, and on her bookshelves. This girl clearly had a boyfriend. Then he noticed a blue Walmart apron on the floor. Scott just spent the night with a girl that works at Walmart, has a boyfriend that could show up at any time, and lives with a group of guys that throw gay orgies... awesome! That feeling can only be described as like winning the lottery... a lottery that has a grand prize of a giant kick in man's special place. Britney eventually drove Scott back to his hotel, arriving at roughly 12:15pm. He proceeded to ask the front desk if his friends checked out... they did. He asked if they checked his bags... nope. He asked if they left a note for him as to their whereabouts... nope! Immediately panic set in and confusion was right around the corner quickly approaching like a hooker on the Strip in Vegas. Was Scott stuck in New Orleans? Would his friends ditch him like that? After sitting on a couch in the front lobby for 10 minutes that must have felt like hours, another hotel front desk worker came back from a break, saw him on the couch, and asked if he was Scott. His friends left the note with her and she told them they were eating lunch on the roof deck across the street. Scott walked over there (all sweaty, same clothes as the night before, smelling worse than the NYC subways), went up to the roof, where he recieved a round of applause. Not just from our group, but from the entire roof deck thanks to his buddies. All was good in the world again. What lesson did he learn? Always carry your cell phone, but to this day he can't walk into a Walmart without having a flashback that sends his body into moves that we haven't seen since Kevin Bacon in Footloose! Oh the memories we had... thats what life is about. Its not the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away... and I'm guessing he lost his breath a number of times during that little experience! Priceless! LOL
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